First Four Days

Sitting in the middle of town on the grass in the sun is a peachy way to make a living. Although this picture isn't quite accurate it does give an idea of the atmosphere. Carting heavy stuff around, plotting and planning and shopping and chopping chopping chopping are very hard work. Granted, its not quite as labour intensive as being in a chain-gang breaking rocks but there is full scale mental and physical exhaustion at the end of the day. Carving one's own way requires more of oneself than following instructions ever could. 

For a Fruitarian this is an ideal occupation. It has everything: being surrounded by a lot of fruit all the time, preparing it for people and being focussed and immersed in its presence and importance, promoting the lifestyle and engaging in conversations in a setting conducive to the topic, having salad leftovers or fully ripe fruit for supper, and feeling accountable to the general public to walk the talk. All this as well as feeling one is doing something worthwhile with one's life, earning a living and eating more fruit. I spent so many years, here and overseas, behind a computer, earning many many MANY times what I am right now - I'm not even really earning, I'm only just feeding myself and the car - a necessary evil until a bicycle trailer materializes - but those years behind the computer are lost to me. I studied and researched a lot but would have done that whatever occupation I was involved in. 

I always thought that one day when I was self employed I would be at liberty to be the bolshy-est person imaginable  my opinions flung freely into the wind and truths told with such alacrity. But now that I am standing on the other side of the table to the public, I find myself calling everyone Sir or Madam and feel such love for everyone and genuine concern for their wellbeing. My reputation is a fragile and precious asset and my opinions are either shared with considered tact or binned without a second thought. All that counts is the fruit, and that people love it, that they are exposed to an alternative that would never have occurred to them. 
I'm sitting here and bad habits are calling, like an old flame who wants me to remember the good times, wants me back. The strait and narrow is my spouse who sits quietly, allowing me to make the choice. If i do not remain true then I may as well find comfortable work somewhere else because then I am not a believer, just a peddler trying to make a buck. I don't want to just offer a theory, but an example, a prototype. I want to say that this is so good that I'm in it every day, for life. I want to show that it is possible, do-able, not some pie in the sky. I have walked this talk before, easily, but was prey to the social pressures all of us idealists must endure.

I am physically weak and tired from the effort of the last four days, and the detoxification of the lifestyle that came before it. Pray that I can remain true.